Posted in 2017 Montana Trip

Feelings

Tues., Aug 15

Made it through the weekend. The memorial for Lynn was not well planned and so there were lots of disappointed people when unexpected turns in the service were taken.

I was pleased with the memories that were brought forth but surprised at one cousin’s presentation. It did not have anything to do with Lynn and she didn’t make any connection between what she read and why we were there.

After lots of drama, Lynn’s immediate family (mother, sisters, brother, nieces, nephews and husband) were able to gather together, alone from the rest of the extended family. I was a bit disappointed because I was unable to really sit down to talk about Lynn. Felt like I was pulling teeth to get her husband to share. Felt like brother and sister didn’t feel comfortable with the whole situation. I think no one knew what to expect or how to deal with the dynamics, including me.

I know Lynn no longer has to deal with any problems, pain, or heartache but she also isn’t here to enjoy her children and their lives along with her other likes and interests. Looking at it selfishly, I can no longer try to get to know her better as an adult. We only reconnected in the past few years. She was going to come visit last year but didn’t make it. I was looking forward to when she would or when I could go see her. Now it will never happen.

I am disappointed Lynn’s children didn’t make it to join us for remembrances but with the way it all turned out, maybe it was good they weren’t here. I feel like I’m going to lose them along with Lynn.

My memory of Lynn is she was beautiful inside and out. She was insecure in many ways and had a difficult time making decisions yet she was a teacher of adults and children, she took various kinds of dance classes, she traveled to various countries around the world, raised two children while her husband was away in the military, and helped her children get through a tough school system in Germany. She spoke three languages. She had a sweet sense of humor and was gentle. Lynn was seeing a counselor to try to get a better handle on her self and her life…trying to better herself. She must have been more complex than I knew but she almost always had a smile.

Posted in 2017 Montana Trip

Really?

Thursday, Aug 10

Spending all day Tuesday sitting around Logan airport in Boston, all day Wednesday sitting around trying to get home, visiting friends and family, and trying to balance the checkbook  and then sitting around today flying to Montana and visiting with family has not had a positive effect on my body. 

I did walk around a little at the airport but not much. I did go for a short walk with friends Wednesday evening. I took a short walk today with my nephew. None of this was anywhere near as intense as the exercise I’ve been getting this summer.

The MS symptom that one really doesn’t want to discuss is the one that is attacking full force. I’ve been able to keep it under control all through the bike ride across the country with fiber. It does not seem to be working at all since I got off the bike. The issue is bowel control or rather lack thereof. I’ve had more showers in the past three days than I had in a week of cycling. This is not fun and it is embarrassing.

Starting tomorrow I’ll try taking fiber three times a day instead of two. Cross fingers this works.

On a more positive note, I am glad to be back with my hubby. We did spend the night at a friend’s house in Newark after I arrived in Oakland at 10pm Monday. We got to visit with them the next morning before we drove over to visit Dan’s parents. When the overcast finally lifted enough, we flew home in the Mooney. Then that evening, Dan and I went for a walk around the airport with friends.

Today we got up early to fly to Montana. All went well until we got into the area where the smoke from the many wildfires made the air difficult to see through. Dan’s skill and experience came through for us again on this trip and we arrived safely in Townsend.

It has been nice to see my mom, sister, nephews, and daughters all together. Looking forward to more time together in the next few days.

Did spend some time today preparing for Lynn’s memorial service. Mom had some notes and Sue, Rocky and I added some of our own memories.